It was 2 am and I was feeding my newborn son. While he nursed I scrolled through Pinterest. My profile was littered with baby and wedding items. I silently counted the months until our 120 person wedding… 6 months until the scheduled big day. Already?! So soon?! Why wasn’t I more excited? Why wasn’t I in full wedding planning mode?
I love my man, and I want to be his wife, but in that moment I realized I didn’t give a damn about the wedding. I had no desire to pick out center pieces. I didn’t want to discuss shoes, flowers, cake, or decorations. I wanted to love my newborn. I wanted to spend this precious time going on adventures with my two year old, not planning a big show party.
I pondered the idea of not getting married while Hendrix finished eating his helping of boob juice. I thought of all the reasons why I originally wanted a big wedding weighing out the pros and cons. Sadly, most of the reasons I dreamed of a large wedding was because I wanted my love and our relationship broadcasted. I wanted a celebration of my family. As a once single mother the family status meant a lot. I wanted bows, pumpkins, candles and the whole nine yards. But is a overpriced gathering and meal the way to celebrate our family? I couldn’t wait for Jake to get up so I could hear his ideas on the topic.
It took 5 minutes of discussion for us to come to an agreement. We canceled the venue, cake, DJ, hair appointments, dress dates, etc. scheduled for October 10th, 2015. I felt a HUGE sense of relief. I am so in love with Jake, and will spend my life with him. Every day I watch him with our two children and my love for him grows. One day we will get married. I will wear a beautiful dress and our close family and friends will be there. We do not need a expensive and stressful party to make it real. Spontaneous is way more us.
Jake and I have three weddings to attend on our calendar this year. We will go and dance our asses off, but its just not right for our little family. We have forever together and for now I want to spend the next few years enjoying these beautiful little humans we created.