I laid there for half of the night wondering where he was and if he was okay until I finally drifted off to sleep. Around 2 am I rolled over and felt an arm next to me. My eyes immediately opened as I remembered our argument and his departure. “Where were you?” I asked in my sleepy daze with no energy to fight. “I was on the other side of the parking lot, facing the apartment, keeping an eye on you guys. I never went anywhere”. “Good, thank you. ” I said as I squeezed his arm and fell back asleep.
This argument got me thinking about the things I say and don’t mean, and I don’t think I’m alone:
1. Let’s start with the obvious one. Pride is a funny thing. I’m a bit dramatic when I’m angry. Jake and I aren’t perfect (as you’re all well aware) and I can remember more times than I’d like to admit when I’ve told him to take the high road during a fight. It’s like I’m challenging him to leave when the deepest most secret part of me wants him to stay, and just squeeze me instead. I can blame it on whatever childhood memory or subconscious reasoning I’d like to, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s unproductive, and not at all helpful to the situation. I can’t think of one time when he has left that I actually felt better, and more at peace with him gone. His exit normally just brings the argument to a whole new level… very productive, NOT. As I’ve grown aware of how ridiculous this is of me, so has Jake, and now he just pretends to leave. I’m working on it, I swear 😁.
2. I’m also kind of a control freak. Jake’s easy going personality meshes well with this trait, and for the most part we balance each other out. In the bedroom it’s a little different. I don’t want to be the boss. After a five am workout, 10 hour workday, a missing shoe crisis, dinner, dishes and the kiddos bath time if he asks me “Babe, do you wanna?” the odds are not in his favor. So on more than one occasion I’ve said something along the lines of, ” if you want it TAKE IT” and “don’t ask me, throw me on the bed”. Fast forward to last Monday night. I had just laid in Hendrix’s bed with him for 45 minutes because he refused to sleep, and cleaned the cat puke off the floor before climbing into bed. Not one second after my head hit the pillow Jake was taking what he wanted. Just like I told him to over and over again. I quickly snapped, “Can I relax for one second before you’re taking off my underwear?!”. The poor guy can’t win. He quickly reminded me of my past words of advice, and I had to eat my words.
3. “Go ahead Babe, buy another gun”. This one I’m not sorry about. Why the hell do we need ANOTHER gun? Unless there really a zombie apocalypse coming that I don’t know about. So why say yes? Because I’m sure he feels the same way when I say , “Babe can I have these wine glasses?!” and we already have 16 in our cabinet. “We don’t even have 16 friends” I remember him smugly saying before he said, “but why not? Go for it.”.
4. It’s a struggle in our house during hockey season. The Bruins games often gets in the way of my Survivor addiction and there is only one T.V. with cable. On the horrible nights that Survivor and the Bruins are on at the same time I try to be fair, “Sure babe, we can watch the Bruins game instead”. What this really means is I HATE this, and if you forget to switch over to CBS during the commercials I will fight you.
5. Finally, the oldest one in the book. “I don’t want anything for (insert holiday here)”. This statement is a trick. I do partially mean it. I’d rather the money be spent on the kids, or put towards the house fund, BUT I still want something. I want effort. I want a handmade card with stick figures, a cute sticky note on the mirror, weeds the kids picked, or my toenails painted by non-other than you. I want you to cook dinner instead, or for you to draw me a bubble bath and take the kids for a walk. I want something money can’t buy, something simple, or something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
I’m sure if I put my mind to it I could come up with another 4837567246476 examples of things I say, but don’t really mean. However, this is good for now!
P.S. I am very grateful for my man, and that he lets me poke fun at our relationship online for the world to see 💜.